Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
