I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize