No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
