I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
