Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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