I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
