How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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