The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
