The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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