why didn't you poke me back
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
