well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
