fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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