I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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