real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
