I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
