Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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