I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
