The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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