Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
