I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
