she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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