Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
