There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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