I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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