My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
pray to the hookup gods
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
