chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
