Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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