I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
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