tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
