I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
