I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It's never too late to be topless.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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