god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
