Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
