he shaved USA in his pubs
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
