If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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