Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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