Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
