do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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