he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Alive.
So much puke
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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