Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
