So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We got so high we made milksteak
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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