so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
