the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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