My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
