is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Randomize