ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
