Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
