I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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