Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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