508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
