so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
