FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
