Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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