i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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