i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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