and she was petting her beer can
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just want to make out with him forever
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize