Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
