dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
