also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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