Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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