its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Someone came in the potted fern
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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