my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
even my farts smell like vagina
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
